Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

She replies,

“Gentlemen don’t ask ladies that question.”

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again his mother replies,

“Gentlemen don’t ask ladies that question.”

The boy then asks, “Why did Daddy leave you?”

To this, the mother says,

“You shouldn’t ask that,” and sends him to his room.

On the way, Johnny trips over his mother’s purse.

When he picks it up, her driver’s license falls out.

Johnny runs back into the room.“I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy dont like you because you got an ‘F’ in $######!”

John came back from a safari in Africa.

Upon arrival, he went to his friend Mark, and told him of his adventures:

“I was out in the jungle.” He said.

“When all of a sudden I heard a noise in the bush behind me.

Looking back, I saw a huge lion, licking his chops, and smiling at me.

The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind.

When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit.

The lion started gaining on me, and as he got closer, once again he slipped. I happened to see a house not far away and made towards it.

As I got close to the house, the lion was almost on top of me, when he slipped for a third time.

With the very last bit of strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in the lion’s face.”

“That’s some story there, John, I would have shat my pants.”

“Well, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE LION KEPT SLIPPING ON?”