Naming a kid should be a pleasant milestone, but it can sometimes elicit unexpected emotions. This new mother kept her baby girl’s name a secret until the last moment, wanting to surprise her family. However, when she eventually told it, her decision elicited a reaction that might forever alter her relationships and life.

Hello!

I’m going through a tricky situation, and I’d love to hear some thoughts that might help me figure it out. After my son was born, I told my parents I’d chosen the name, Chris. My dad’s face went pale, and my mom’s forced smile didn’t hide her discomfort. Moments later, my dad excused himself, claiming he felt unwell. He said he’d come over in a few days to help with the baby.

When we were alone, my mom anxiously urged me to change the name, insisting there was a reason Chris wasn’t an option. I refused. I’ve been released home with my baby and dad hasn’t talked to me that much since then. We used to talk every day, so I was confused by this sudden behavior.

I called my mom and asked her what was the reason for this behaviour and she yelling and crying on the phone. About 20 years ago, she had an affair with her ex-boyfriend named Chriss. Dad hasn’t been talking to her, and she’s been trying to get him to talk. She begged dad not to leave her, and he stayed, but just hearing that name had always put him in a bad headspace.

My husband had a brother who p.a.s.s.e.d away when he was a baby, and we decided on this name to honor him. This name means so much to us and we don’t want to change. I feel like this is tearing the family apart, but what about the family that I’m about to create? What should I do?

All the best,

Clara

Talk to your dad privately.

Try having an open conversation with your father. Let him know you understand why he’s feeling this way, but also explain why the name Chris means so much to you and your husband. Explain that your goal is to create new family memories. Sometimes a simple, honest chat can help clear the air and pave the way for healing.

Use a nickname or middle name.

To alleviate some of the stress surrounding the name “Chris,” consider using a nickname just while your parents are present. Options such as “CJ,” “Kit,” and even his middle name could work. This way, you may maintain the name that means so much to you while making a small concession with your parents to simplify life for everyone.

Write a letter.

If discussing this feels too difficult, try writing a letter to your father instead. In the letter, you can explain that you were unaware of the history but now understand his feelings. You can also explain that you chose the name Chris for love and to remember your husband’s late sibling. This way, he may read it when he’s ready, reflect, and hopefully begin to accept your decision without feeling rushed to answer.